cacophonish | COME SAIL AWAY: IC INBOX

2nd got clocked x2 in a row
hot coffee girl + evil cult cop

im gonna 🤥👇 4 now
we need 2 meet up
all of us
we got 2 tlk

oops 🤭

we have to talk?
yikes!!
sounds like relationship trouble

ugh
its not NOT that
#complcited

im gnna pt sum shit 2gether
ur shitty dum acetic will luv it 👓
until then avod the dood w blood crossed face

ok wait so which one's the evil cult cop with the blood crossed face??

[ He hasn't connected the dots to Pratt yet because... WELL, Jeff only has chill, positive memories of the guy, and "Geoff's" own objective assessment of him is that... he's a harmless fucking idiot ]

btw if you're going where i think you're going
try not to slip on any blood

[ Because okay maybe "Geoff" made a mess there. ]

don't want you cracking your head open again 😘

Edited 2022-10-14 11:44 (UTC)

pratt
ull see him hes the only 1 looks like he sshould b here

jfc u ben bz huh
u evn try 2 b cool or is tath naturly 2 hard 4 u
i mean their ez pikins here
lz af 🙄🦥💀
only 1 br so far

THAT guy???
lmao wtf did you do to piss him off?

hey i tried to play nice but that went out the window when bash turned me down
you know how sensitive i am 🥺

this bodys his bf 😔😒

u mean ur desprate but ya ok we
bash is 🔥🔥 tru
sk8d w this body
guss ur not as hot as 🦈🔑 huh

pleas let me know when your up.

[ he types, deletes, hyperventilates, types, deletes, has a cry, then sends three messages in succession: ]

im awake

are you in your room

i dont want to be alone

im home come here please. door ajar.

He blacked out. He lost time. There's texts on his phone, conversations he can't recall, spanning days he doesn't remember, and he can't remember anything beyond some overwhelming feeling of nothingness, which is a total fucking contradiction, right? How can you feel nothing, and experience it, and remember it, as a concept in its own right, instead of as the absence of something else?

He woke up in an outfit he's never seen before, a tattered suit jacket over a skeleton shirt, and it feels so wrong, he has to peel it off before he can even see Bash. He shoves it under the couch and sifts through a pile of clothes that must've come from the Spirit Halloween, before all the unfamiliarity is too overwhelming, and he reaches for the nearest things that spark any recognition. Cozy Tommy Bahama pajama pants, and a sweatshirt he'd cut up into a crop top and drew all over in markers a couple days ago.

(Weeks ago, he realizes.)

He doesn't bother to wipe the tears from his face, and he probably looks like a fucking mess, anyway, having cried so much he felt like he was gonna puke. He just drifts in the direction of Bash's room, moving with a dazed sort of purpose, like a ghost going through the motions of a half-remembered life.

If Bash is still in his bed, that's where Jeff will head, to curl up beside him with a desperate need for warmth and contact. He doesn't say anything yet, because if he opens his mouth, he's not sure he'll be able to hold it together, to get through a single goddamn word without bawling.

He has no idea what happened. Again. It's a terrible, familiar fucking nightmare.

Bash is sitting on the bed until Jeff joins him, and then he's clinging desperately, tightly. It's clear that whatever happened, Bash is aware of it and Jeff's been missed--but was there any doubt that he'd know, he'd always know, from the moment someone else opened Jeff's mouth?

"Thank the gods you're back. Thank every god and titan you're back. Oh, fuckin' hell, love, you're not allowed to scare me like that ever again. Ever-ever-ever."

It feels like the greatest relief to hold Bash, and be held, and to know, to have it confirmed, that he exists. As long as Bash's arms are around him, he can't float off into nothingness again. Jeff nods against him, opens his mouth to say something, but only manages a pitiful, hiccuping sob at first. It takes him a few moments before he can finally speak.

"I'm-- I was gone, and I don't-- I don't remember--" There's too much he's trying to say, and he can't stop tripping over his words, and fuck, it's hard to stop, but he needs to take a breath. Just. Breathe.

He sniffs, and in a small voice, he finally asks, "What happened?"

He's already dreading the answer.

Edited 2022-10-30 17:19 (UTC)

"It wasn't Ziggy, in case you worried about that. The ghosts on the ship started possessing people. Passengers from a previous voyage. Guy riding you was a real asshole, but he wasn't you, couldn't fake being you. He did...a lot of shit. They all did. Last night, Halloween party, they mounted a coordinated attack. Had to be killed, in order to free everyone. So, you're waking up from being dead."

That's perhaps not the most thorough highlight reel in the world, but he can answer questions from here. You know, while he combs his fingers through Jeff's hair and peppers his forehead with kisses and just...tangles into him in that comfortable way that they fit together, like one organism with two beating hearts.

"I remember... um... I think-- I think Sharky..." Fuck, he's gonna be sick. "Killed me."

His head's a bit too much of a mess to untangle his last memory from what Bash just explained to him just yet. Doesn't realize that he hadn't actually died when Sharky whacked him over the head with his own guitar.

"What did he do when he was... me?"

He doesn't want to know. He doesn't, but he has to.

"Ate a grilled chicken salad, tried to get in my pants, killed Crichton, set Spirit on fire, sent one of the other ghosts against me without actually managing to identify me so he went after Klaus instead, dressed up as my dad for Halloween and tried to kill me."

Beat. "You don't get to feel guilty about any of that, because it was not you, you didn't do any of that shit."

Jeff makes a queasy face at the notion of eating meat, but then it gets so much worse from there. Arson, murder, weird.... Oedipal taunting or something??? Is that what he was wearing when he woke up? Some psychotic Baron Samedi costume?

He doesn't know if he wants to cry or puke.

"But he-- he fucking used me to--" He looks at Bash, fingers curling in the other man's shirt as he clings to him desperately. "Is he okay now? Crichton, I mean, is he--" Oh god. "Even if it wasn't me, it doesn't change what happened. Everyone's gonna have all these fucking... horrible memories of me hurting them."

Wait.

"Who's Klaus?"

Edited 2022-10-30 18:04 (UTC)

"Crichton's okay now, and everyone knows about the possessions so no one. No one is going to blame you for any of it."

He stroke's Jeff's hair back away from his face, balls his hand into a gentle fist. Holding on, holding him together.

"Also, you'll like Klaus, he's adorable and gothy and has pretty eyes. Kinda your type, gotta say."

Normally, he'd smile at that description and be like, note to self, meet Klaus! But there's too much to process, and he's pretty sure if Bash wasn't holding his hair, he'd want to wander right into some horrible, floaty, dissociation just to escape having to think about any of this at all.

"Bash..." He hates that he's even going to ask this, because it's so selfish, and he shouldn't be diving right into self pity when so many people are probably hurting now, but-- "Why me? Why does this keep-- it keeps fucking happening, I can't-- can't keep my head, like I'm just... I dunno."

Not built to be his own person or something.

Edited 2022-10-30 18:14 (UTC)

"This one's absolutely and totally not on you. You were hardly the only person possessed. If someone like my roomie could get taken over...it wasn't anything where you failed to keep him out, you know? They were half-killing people to get into their bodies."

His grip tightens slightly.

"And I missed you every minute you were gone."

If that's what was happening, then that means... That means Sharky wasn't Sharky. Of fucking course, that's why he was suddenly playing the drums like a pro, and Jeff jammed with him for, like, an hour or two and didn't even notice. Sharky was an imposter, and Jeff was too stupid to catch on.

He doesn't say as much, though. That little nugget of self loathing will just stay inside, festering.

"I missed--" he starts, but he can't quite finish it. If he'd had any awareness of the situation, any sense of self or existence while he'd been ejected from his body, yes, of course, he would've missed Bash for every second.

But he didn't.

Jeff's voice breaks, and he practically crumples against the demigod as he admits, "I don't know where I went. It was just-- nothing. I was..."

Nothing.

"I can't go back. I can't. Never. Please, Bash--"

He can't die on this ship again. What if he never returns?

"I know. This place doesn't have an underworld. There's nowhere for souls to get to go. Or...rather. There's a Nothing for souls to get to go. It's wrong, it's unnatural. It's not how it ought to be."

He experienced it. For a much shorter time, but he remembers the Nothing.

It's not like Guinee or Valhalla or Duat, not like the battle field they pulled Elyse Connor's soul out of to speak to the night before Bash found himself in Duplicity. It's wrong, wrong in a way that makes a death demigod's teeth hurt.

"It was even worse than having Ziggy in my head," he murmurs. Jeff sniffs, and finally, wipes his eyes before looking at Bash again, his brows furrowing in concern.

"So... You were okay, right? I mean, I know... some psycho ghost asshole was using me to try to hurt you, but... You made it through okay?"

There's a bit of a pause. He honestly considers lying for a moment.

"I died during the Halloween party. Woke up this morning. But other than that, I'm okay, now. You had a lot longer in the Nothing, you don't need to worry about me, I've got me. And I've got you, alright? I've got you."

His stomach twists at hearing that. But, for the first time, Jeff seems to actually relax a little against Bash. He never doubted Bash would hold him and keep him from drowning, but having that assurance spoken aloud is like... Permission, in a way. He practically goes boneless against Bash, spent from emotional exhaustion.

"I've got you, too," he says softly. Even if he isn't in any state to be anyone's rock right now, it still feels important, and necessary, to say it. "I didn't, um... kill you, did I?" And though he doesn't ask, there are more questions swimming around his head. Who killed me? How did I die?

“One, it was not you, so stop talking like it was. You don’t hold any guilt for his actions. Two, no, it wasn’t the guy riding you who killed me.”

Riding. Bash used to talk about Duplicity riding them, when it wasn’t chemical aphro but just the city taking over, possessing them and making the fuck happen.

Oh, he definitely still feels guilt for what the ghost did while piloting his body. Maybe Jeff isn't responsible for his possessor's actions, but as far as he figures, he's responsible for that thing getting into him in the first place. If he hadn't been so fucking naive...

"Okay." He doesn't sound entirely convinced, but he's not going to argue it. "Do you know anything about him?" He doesn't know if he wants to know, but it seems... better, right? To put a name to whoever was using his body?

"Yeah, some. I thought there was a chance I could talk him out of you. I thought if I was nice enough, maybe he might let you go. Stupid, right? Even had some sympathy for him, after he killed Crichton, because he'd never asked to be on this fucking ship in the first place."

There's room for self-loathing for everyone here!

"That's not-- Kindness isn't stupid." Now it's Jeff's turn to reach for Bash's hair, stroking his fingers through it, seeking sensation and familiarity just as much as he's offering comfort. "I would've tried the same thing. If it was you--" He grimaces at the thought. "I would've tried anything to convince 'em."

Anything short of violence, anyway. He knows he wouldn't have the stomach for it. Maybe it's for the best that he was possessed for this whole nightmare... If it'd been up to Jeff to save anyone, they'd all be fucked.

"His name was Chase. He had magic, but it was more like Quentin's than yours. His taste in music was rancid and he hated having to sing to do things. He's gone now, but he asked me to remember someone who was kind to him, a girl from his voyage who didn't end up possessing no one. He seemed like an asshole, but the self-defensive kind of asshole. He wanted power and freedom. He wanted power to get freedom."

Bash sighs heavily. "So. Yeah."

Bad taste in music, hated having to sing... Does that mean he did use Jeff's magic? How's that even possible without years, years of practice, and learning, and building an understanding with the Gift? How could he even cast a single spell if he couldn't stand the music?

Every question answered just brings a hundred more, and it's hard enough keeping a breakdown at bay as it is. The stretch of nothing in his memory is unsettling, the knowledge that his body was just moving around, doing, saying, casting things he'll never remember makes him want to scream until his throat's raw, and no matter how many answers Bash can give him, it won't be enough.

Jeff's breath hitches, and he reaches for Bash's hand, lacing their fingers together with the faintest squeeze.

"What was her name?"

Fuck Chase, whoever he was. Jeff will process his feelings about the ghost later. But he'll do his part to help Bash fulfill that request and remember the girl, if he can. It's some small kindness to focus on, at least.

But that's the last he'll ask about the past month. He takes another breath, trying to take it slow, and calm.

"Do you... um. Do you still have your sharpies?"

Because right now, he just wants to be with Bash. Exist. Just the two of them, with no homicidal ghosts haunting the room.

Edited 2022-10-31 08:36 (UTC)

"Her name was Kenzi."

He pauses at that last question. Moves to disentangle slightly, a slow smile coming to his lips. "Are you going to undress for me like a good boy, so I can write wherever I want on you?"

Old patterns. Familiar rhythms. They're going to grope for something comfortable. Even as he stands to grab the markers, he finds himself humming quietly.

Edited 2022-10-31 08:43 (UTC)

"Uh huh." Jeff smiles (is this the first time he's smiled since waking up?), a little light coming back to his eyes as he moves to start peeling off his shirt, followed by the pants. "I'd rather wear your words than Tommy Bahama."

This is familiar. This is safe. Comforting. When his body doesn't feel like it's his anymore (just a thing, a meat puppet, an object to take and use and discard--) at least he can hand the reins over to Bash.

He even remembers to fold his clothes neatly, smiling, singing along to Bash's humming. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."

Edited 2022-10-31 08:52 (UTC)

"You make me happy, when skies are grey..." Bash gestures for Jeff to lie on his belly. He wants to start on the back this time. He wants a large, mostly flat surface to begin. Red marker, one of the hardest colors to get off. Lasts near the longest.

His smile brightens when Bash sings along, pure sunshine parting through the gloom. "You'll never know, dear, how much I love you..."

Jeff stretches out on the bed, sighing softly, breathing in Bash's familiar scent. It's something to latch on to, senses and sensations, being present in the physical. He focuses on the warmth of the bed, and Bash's presence over him, the sounds of singing, and breathing, and movement...

He's a person. He's alive. This is real.

"Please don't take my sunshine away."

The scent of sharpie joins Bash's own scent as he begins to draw his veve between Jeff's shoulders, centered on his spine. Reclaiming the symbol that had been used to hurt him by giving it to Jeff again. Silly, isn't it?

If there had been any trace of Jeff inside his own body while Chase had been taking it for a ride, this might spark some familiarity in him. The particular significance of the song, the importance of reclaiming the veve right now, all of it would have an extra weight to Jeff.

Unfortunately, he has no context. (But if he did, he'd tell Bash it isn't silly, it's important.)

He feels the lines drawn on his back, trying to piece them together in his head... Letters? No, it's not a word, he doesn't think... Maybe he should just stop trying to picture it, and just enjoy the brush of felt and ink against his skin. Jeff shivers pleasantly, lets out a soft hum, then tries to look over his shoulder at Bash. His expression's beginning to soften, going to a dreamy place.

"What's it say?"

"It's my veve. Which is just this side of writing 'property of Bash', but prettier than my handwriting. I know you know how to draw it, but I don't think I've ever drawn it on you before." His lips brush the back of Jeff's neck, and then he nips.

You know, a small way to remind Jeff to stay present.

That'll do it! He comes back to Earth (or wherever the fuck they are) with a little noise of... pleasant surprise? Nips are always welcome.

"Property of Bash," he repeats with a little smile. Coming from anyone else, he'd probably complain and throw in some kneejerk defiance, but from Bash? The words feel like a warm blanket, safe and welcome. "I like that. I mean, like, knowing your veve's there."

"Good. I'm almost done with it, then I'm going to start writing."

It's definitely a little dangerous, giving his veve to someone. Chase proved that someone knowing it could be a trap. But. Bash's core philosophy has always been recklessly kind. After this past month, he really wants to get back to that again.

"Stay with me, or I'm going to bite you again."

"Promises, promises," he teases. Jeff is all for a little bit of biting. But, he does sigh softly as he focuses again on the present, and Bash, and all his senses. "I'm staying. I want to stay." It feels important to say it out loud, like that'll help manifest it into reality. "I'm so scared," he admits. "Of... drifting away without you. Like..." He swallows, winces a little against Bash's pillow. "What if one day, I drift off and never come back?"

"Then I will do whatever it takes, to get you back. No matter the cost."

Bash broke his rules several times, in the past month:
- No zombies
- Don't get angry
- No violence
- You are not a killer, even if you're a death demigod

He may have held kindness in his heart for Chase, as much as he could, but he still broke his rules. For Jeff. And he doesn't regret it, honestly.

Even though he never doubted Bash, just hearing the promise settles over him like a warm, weighted blanket. He sniffles a little-- mostly happy tears, or maybe just general "overwhelmed by emotions" tears-- and nods.

"Me too." His voice cracks a little, but he tries to ignore that. "They ever take you, and I'll become a fucking... Ghostbuster. And exorcist. Ghostbuster exorcist..."

"Exorcisms didn't work. We tried them. I want you to know, we tried."

The marker works along Jeff's shoulders now. Block letters, slow and steady.

"In the end, the only way to end the possessions was to kill the body."

"Oh. Right." Bash can probably tell, from the way Jeff tenses up beneath him, and the particular hitch of his breath-- bracing himself-- what Jeff's going to ask next.

He shouldn't ask. He doesn't want to. But he has to know.

"How... how did I die?"

Edited 2022-11-02 10:47 (UTC)

"Decapitated. It was instantaneous. Your body would have felt almost no pain."

He isn't sure if he should say he did it. If that would make it better or much, much worse.

Decapitated. That's so... surreal. Everything about this is. Dying at all, dying when he wasn't even in his body, dying in that particular way. If he'd been shot, or stabbed, or strangled or something, he could wrap his mind around that, he thinks. Those are the sorts of things that don't always kill people; people can come back from that.

But there's something so final about this method, and it feels... wrong... that he's here, now, whole and alive.

Jeff hesitates. He takes another breath. It's clear that he's trying to choose his words very carefully as he speaks again.

"Do I... want to know who did it?"

Maybe it's not fair, leaving it to Bash's discretion. But Jeff wasn't there, and this is all so abstract, and it's difficult to even try and picture it, and even with the little bit of context he has, it's just--

Bash would know, better than him, if he should hear all the dirty details.

The way Bash tenses, his breath caught in his lungs, everything still and silent...

...that's answer enough, isn't it?

It is, and Jeff... Well. It's kind of a whirlwind of different emotions swirling around inside, competing to come out on top. He doesn't know just how to take it, how to even begin to process it, but he knows one thing: he isn't upset with Bash. Upset for Bash, yes, but not-- he can't blame him for this.

It was an act of mercy, right?

Jeff doesn't roll over, not while Bash is still working on his back, but he does look over his shoulder and reach a hand back to try and grasp at the demigod's.

"Hey. It's okay."

"Is it?"

He lets Jeff take his hand, a little quiver in those two words. Because he's still beating himself up over it, hard. Over everything he'd failed in the past month, over every one of his personal rules he's broken.

He feels like a failure. And he doesn't want to show it, because Jeff has been through so much worse.

"Yeah." He gives Bash's hand a squeeze, and reiterates, "It's okay."

It's hard to find the right way to put it beyond that. I'm glad it was you sounds kind of fucked up, and he's not glad, exactly, but. If he had to choose, he'd rather a quick death at the hands of somebody trying to save him than something vicious and violent from somebody who doesn't care.

"I know you wouldn't have done it if, um... if there was any other way. And I-- I'm just. I wish you didn't have to." He gives Bash's hand a little tug, encouraging him to lay down on the bed with him, if he wants to cuddle for a while. The sharpies can wait. He knows he's not supposed to say he's sorry, but-- "I wish... I'm sorry this happened. It's not fair that you have to live with... with the memories..."

"Fair things don't happen to us two, when we're together. It sucks. We've handled it all so far, well enough."

He sighs, moving the markers to the floor before he just...curls. Right in up against Jeff in the most subtle silent request to be the little spoon ever.

"We'll make it through this together, too. Right?"

Luckily, Jeff makes a pretty good big spoon. He may have a slight figure, but he's a long boy, and he gives hugs like a koala. Once Bash settles in, he even pulls the blankets over them, like a little nest. Just the two of them, tuning the rest of the bullshit and misery out.

"Yeah." It comes out soft as a sigh, but there's some sense of certainty in Jeff's voice. He doesn't think he'd be able to pull himself back up from... anything, really, on his own, but at least with Bash... A lot more seems possible. And he can only do his best to try and give Bash the same feeling of security, even if he doubts himself and his own abilities.

He kisses the top of Bash's head. "And anyway, I mean... I wouldn't trade you for all the fair things in the world."

Even if they do deserve a goddamn break from the suck.

As Bash curls into the blanket and the boy, the first words that run through his head slip out of his mouth in a playful tone.

"Babe, that's gay."

Because it is and they are and gay means joyful as much as it means anything else. And they are that.

He lets out a laugh, ducking his face against Bash's shoulder to muffle it. After the time he's had, trapped in a state of non-existence, it feels like laughing for the first time. A fresh experience, light and startling.

"Soooo gay."

"Gayest thing I've ever fucking heard. I love it, and I love you."

He laughs as well, finally relaxing. Things aren't back to normal, but they will be again.

Take your time, until you are ready.

But when you are, we need to talk.

Would it be better in person or like this?

- 😈 Meow Maou Jiijii 🐈‍⬛

[ when Jeff returns his text, it'll probably be clear that, for however upset he was at the trial, he's not angry with Nobunaga now, if only because he opens it with: ]

hi grandpa cat 🐈‍⬛

in person is better
i hate typing a lot of words
where do you want to meet?

Edited (oops forgot words) 2023-01-01 11:18 (UTC)

[AHAHAHAHA FUCK. He forgot how he'd talked to Klaus about that too, and he didn't expect the sudden surge of intense pain. Fuuuuck. This is good though. Jeff is great.]

Anywhere you feel safest and happy, but that I can rest my back to a wall. Valdis took quite a bit of my soul, and I'm not fully recovered. It is early enough neither Ava nor Klaus will be awake, so Sand Dollars is fine, unless you prefer something different.

lets do sand dollars ☕️
i need sugar and cafine anyway

[ Because it's too early for him, too! But he wants to meet up and talk with Nobunaga, because he wants to hear him out, clear things up, and... and fuck it, he does feel bad for losing his temper when the two of them, Nobunaga and Ari, were trying to stand up for what they believed was right.

He still doesn't agree with them, but. He doesn't want the trial to stay festering in this friendship either.

Especially after what happened with Klaus. ]

Okay. What's your favorite? I'll have it waiting for you. 👊

[Nobunaga has not slept since leaving Teyrey's cabin, though he's still kind of healing like he said, and makes sure to get as securely in a corner as he can with a white tea for himself, because he can't see color anymore, so the only way to determine the difference in matcha and everyone else's usual is by smell, and that could be annoying.]

Edited 2023-01-01 12:20 (UTC)

peppermint mocha
it's like hot chocolate but with coffee!!
thanks 😊

[ And, in a bit, Jeff arrives in pajama pants and an oversized mesh sweater that don't go together. He totally haphazardly put this on as he rolled out of bed. When he spots Nobunaga, he makes a beeline for him, doing his best to try to keep his concern from being too obvious as he sees how tired the other man looks.

He smiles, bright and sunny, and waves before flopping down on a chair. ]

Hey.

[That's so cute. Why is Jeff so cute?]

[SO CUTE AHHHHHH.]

[Okay for the first time, other than with Yato, since everything, Nobunaga smiles. And this time less relief, just genuinely desperately seeking that sunshine that had disappeared under the night of his anguish. His eyes are still cold, but at least they're not hollow and dark.]

Hey.

[Hands him the peppermint mocha!]

First off, I'm just going to jump into things, but -- I get intense about everything. It's something my ex said a lot. Not Kichou, Kichou is more intense than me, believe it or not. So he didn't mind that. We're just both sadists so we were pretty Hell on each other.

[Um.]

[To the point:] So I need you to give me a codeword to back me up and off of topics you can't deal with right now. Preferably a word that is either never going to come up normally, or reminds you of things you hate, so even just mentioning it will always remind you that it's a bit too painful.

[ Jeff nods. It's a familiar concept by now, after living in Duplicity. Bash, he realizes, was actually the first person to even talk to him about that kind of thing.

Normally, he'd just default to his go-to: red light. But, like, that's for fucking and kinky shit, so it'd probably be weird to, uh, reuse it for conversation, so... ]

Okay, um. [ Let's see... ] Godzilla.

[ Easy to remember, because all he has to do is think about his feelings getting stepped on by a giant monster! ]

[Nobunaga's face.]

[You don't understand.]

[He desperately wants to be Godzilla.]

[So. fucking. much.]

[If he could be anything in the universe....]

[Okay he's okay.]

Hai.

[... He wants to be Godzilla... He will be able to respect it, but saying it himself he's just going to get flustered and hide behind his hands/fan. EVERY TIME.]

You were wrong, though. You don't get to say, actually you do understand me... and then still misunderstand me.

[He doesn't expect to be understood, but does he want to be? Desperately.]

I would never patronize Skulduggery. He's not a victim. He's still less of a murderer than I was, [His ice cold eyes glance away. He'll come back that point.] but he's obviously powerful. I have worked for decades disproving magic and charlatans and superstitions. Including human sacrifice. But I never thought of you as a mob. At all. I didn't even know anyone would think that of me.

That was why I said it. Because everyone loves Skulduggery. And it's stupid to sacrifice him for what... rules? Absurd. Break the rules, make new ones. I wanted everyone to see you don't have to accept the inevitable. You can fight it. You can do the impossible, just because that's what you want.

And lastly...

I guess get ready to make a sacrifice of me every other damn month starting now. Because I said I'm worse. At least Skulduggery has a new name. Isn't the same person. I'm not changed. I'm still the Demon King of 6th Heaven. So if the rules don't change, then I'm endangering all of you.

As a gunblade, with Yato, we weren't trying to hurt the Captain. Yato can sever things like the bindings of fate. I was weak. I was scared of making Klaus cry. [>:|] It's moot now. Even though I lived, they're still crying. Damned either way, isn't it? My fear was dangerous to the rest of the room, so Yato made me turn back. Because we didn't want anyone to die. Nothing you or anyone can say will change my mind on that.

The only thing you can say I might be patronizing Skulduggery about is...

[Furrowed brow.] Like I told -- my ex. [He said the name already, about making them cry, but it's different now.] When I'm at my worst... [Just looks up at the ceiling. Nope. Can't do it. He has to try. But it's one thing to tell Klaus, another to tell literally anyone else, and now after, Klaus left him???] I cannot ask for help. I have to be helped, even though I might refuse it in my state. And if my cursed blade, because of the magical energies of this place, that created the Bahamanal, and so on, gained sentience and started making everyone Demon Kings, obsessed with conquering each other; based specifically on those I learned to trust, because I never trusted since my brother's betrayal... [Lump in throat. So icy heart. He can do this. Just stay detached.] I would certainly tell everyone to execute me and cease the torment.

I asked Skulduggery before. To reach out to me. He said he was relying on the Captain's plan. I asked him if the Captain's plan without me and Yato and Valdis interfering, trying it our way, went off like he planned, would it make him happy? The Captain. Not because I give a damn how the Captain feels. But I do care about Skulduggery. He couldn't answer me. So I think that's a pretty obvious no. My failure was to think Valdis would work with me, not against me, not think I was risking my death as a gunblade. She didn't know. That's on me, not her. But even so, that doesn't mean I could give up if there was anything left to try to spare them both the pain of that. It's what I'd want for me.

I've had more names than Skulduggery, though he's lived a lot longer -- from nearly my century though. Kipposhi is the one the Captain used. I hadn't heard that since I was... five? Since before my first battle. Names are important. As Yato's gunblade, I am Mizune. [His right hand goes to the back of his left shoulder where that mark is.] So my hope, was that people would understand. If no one wants to punish Skulduggery, if no one wants to sacrifice a whole person for the actions of a rogue weapon, if no one except Skulduggery in his guilt and anguish, and the Captain: in his belief that he already did everything to fight the rules already -- everything except ask the rest of us to find a way out, because maybe Skulduggery wouldn't want us facing the consequences of that, and it'd add more guilt, then no one has to. You don't have to vote to sacrifice [He nearly spits the word, and just takes a calming sip of tea!] a life. If that's not what you want? Don't do it. Instead, do anything to find another way. Try anything, no matter how impossible. What's the worst that will happen? The rules police will come enforce the rules? Good. I have questions for them.

[Looks up at the ceiling again.] I'm sure my ex would say I don't understand anything again.

And maybe I don't.

But I didn't lead Yato. He's just the same damn way as me. That's why I wanted to help him, even though I've assumed I'm gods' enemy since I was possessed. At least he gets it.

I don't mind you guessing at my head, thinking you get it, even if you're wrong. But don't ever think my thoughts aren't oceans deep. The weather is obvious for anyone to see. [Like how he's frozen now. All the rage continuously turned to ice.] But there are depths I haven't even explored the totality of. So if you want to dive in, make sure you're ready to take wrong guesses. The trick is you have to know what happens even if you're wrong. And account for it. And I did that with the trial. All of it. Every single step. Even asking Teyrey to help, knowing the whole room might hate her for it. And I still call it worth it, even though it nearly broke her.

You held up really well though. I'd have been all over the place if Klaus was --

[Glances up at the ceiling. He doesn't regret loving Klaus. He just doesn't know what he did wrong still. Maybe it doesn't matter. Anyone who couldn't fight the impossible with him was in too much danger. Just like Oichi all over. Better now than even later when he came to truly truly rely on Klaus and make moves that couldn't make up for the loss.] Well. You know.

You've gotten a lot stronger over the last few months. So I'm going to ask, not if the vote was worth it, or if you thought it was right. But are you happy about it?

[ Jeff listens, and he's doing his best to listen without letting his feelings get in the way, but... well. He's a bard. He's fucking emotional. He always has been. And at his worst, and his lowest, it's really hard to look past his own nose.

But he is trying, right now, because he does value Nobunaga, and he believes in his heart, even if he doesn't agree with how things went down back there.

He's quiet for a few moments, hands wrapped around the mocha. It's nice to hear, at least, that Nobunaga thinks he showed some strength back there. Jeff sure as fuck doesn't feel strong. ]

I'm not happy about any of it. [ But it's kind of a moot question. The only way Jeff would've been happy about anything to do with that scenario is if nobody died and it didn't happen in the first place. ] And honestly? I think you were being a fucking asshole back there. I mean, you say I don't understand you, but it's not like you understand me, either.

[ Because there's a lot Jeff doesn't share about himself. ]

So I'm gonna tell you what I saw that day. I saw you acting like anyone who didn't agree with you was just a bunch of superstitious fucking... sheep who were just going along with the Captain, like we were weak and stupid and blindly following a bunch of dumb made-up rules. Like we didn't each have our own reasons for voting how we did? I heard you calling everyone weak and saying you were gonna cut anyone off who didn't agree with you! Even now you're talking about stuff that's not even-- it's not what this is about. It's not about human sacrifices and magic armor and cursed swords and who killed how many people-- so fuck that. You know what my biggest problem is with all of this? Even more than you acting like-- like anyone who wouldn't go along with you was just fucking weak and disposable? [ I mean, if you want to talk about throwing people away, that ultimatum was pretty clear to Jeff. (Who, admittedly, is probably misremembering it.) ] Which-- by the way-- was really fucking shitty and hurtful--

[ Take a breath. Calm down. He's not mad anymore, but he's.. It's so hard not to get heated when he wants to articulate his feelings, but can't quite find the right words. Jeff takes a sip of mocha. ]

It's-- this was about one person-- skeleton-- whatever, it was about his situation. His, not yours. His voice mattered, too, and his agency, and the way you were talking and acting that day, I didn't see any... any respect or-- or acknowledgment of that.

[ Jeff frowns, chews on his lip for a moment, and when he speaks again, his voice is softer, smaller. Vulnerable, instead of heated. ]

Bash killed me, back on Halloween. Did you know that?

[Jeff's emotions is why Nobunaga adores him. He can't be the only overly emotional wreck on this ship!]

[Nobunaga's stoic through the words, no longer the happy-go-lucky chuuni whose every thought is on his face. Not anymore.]

Actually, it was never about Skulduggery, and that is my entire point. He lost the right to make it about him and choose his course. So it became about everyone else, especially including you: those closest to those who died. Making it about Skulduggery is to continue to allow Lord Vile undue influence in his life, which according to Skulduggery's own words, was why Lord Vile chose those targets. It is saying you cannot move forward, everything you've ever done can fuck over your future. In fact, you have no future, you're bound to the past.

[He glances down, drunks some tea, can't nod -- so just.] I assumed so. I forced Klaus' hand. I gave him my sword and gun. He sang Bootylicious to the ghost possessing me, and struck me down. It was so magnificent, I wanted to keep the picture framed, but I knew it'd upset him, so I didn't.

[Maybe he was always dancing around Klaus' feelings, but it wasnt for Klaus' sake, it was for Nobunaga's own.]

[Did you know I liked the stupid ghost inside you I still wanted to be amicable? Even though he killed my first best friend??? The first person to tell me they love me? And yet, I admired his desire to live, to exist, to not go back to the void, so much I blasphemed against myself. I prayed. It's not enough to free all of us. It's not enough to free the ghosts. I have to free the Captain too. And I don't mean via death. I'm sick of death.]

[Back up to the ceiling.] I do understand, Jeff. But Skulduggery wasn't possessed.

If it was me. [His voice gets dark and hoarse, all demon king and death metal.] Whether Klaus did something, or I did, it is not enough to simply show what was done. You try every last thing.

Anyone who can't at least try... [A small feral snarl in spite of himself, there's only so much the ice takes away the rage. It's just that the rage is bitter cold instead. Cutting everyone out.] to do something, anything in your own way, to at least challenge the way things are, the things you do not want cannot stay by my side.

This is what it means to know me. Prove me wrong, but not by going along with a sacrifice that hurts you. Try anything else. I cannot know someone who doesn't do at least that much.

This is my absolute lowest bar. I cannot understand why you Americans, oftimes more like me than anyone I've ever known, cannot surpass it!

What is the value or miscommunication for you? What is it you heard in that, which made you decide I was in the wrong? Me, your friend?! [A hard huff and even harder glance away. All his emotions are bubbling over. Both Crichton and Klaus. The two bravest strongest idiots he'd ever known, who always taught Nobunaga to be brave, and yet...? The first person to ever declare their love for him, and Nobunaga for them. And it always ends like this doesnt it. In incredible anguish and devastation. True salvation cannot come from gods. But thats fine. He'll just be the Demon King.]

[Klaus promised to always love him, but not enough to literally stand there and talk it out when Nobunaga couldn't move. Whatever. Yup, he does consider that too horrifically wealth to be his friend.]

[Quietly, frosty again, he feels like his tea will freeze in his grip!] You never have to agree with me. You just have to correct my sights, show me why you think I'm wrong. Help me get stronger. There is not even the most -- distant salesperson I would not demand this much of. I certainly expected a lot better when I'm told constantly I'm trusted, or allowed friends. This seems to fly in the face of it.

Tell me what you heard.

Edited 2023-01-01 20:49 (UTC)

[ Jeff shakes his head. ] You say it's not about him, and I get what you're saying, but we're obviously not gonna agree on that, so I guess... [ He smiles, laughs a little. There's nothing mean in it, it's just... kind of resigned amusement? This is why he fucking hates debates. ] We're not really having the same conversation here, are we?

[ He sighs a little, the smile fading. ]

Which I guess is the problem, huh? Maybe I wasn't really listening to you back there, because... What I heard was you saying if we didn't go along with your plan, then we were weak and you'd cut us out, and that fucking hurt. How d'you think that feels, hearing someone whose friendship you fucking cherish, say something like that?

What I heard was... a friend throwing me away, and I know you're not like that, but that's what it sounded like back there.

[ He's not sure how, exactly, to put what he means into words, not without launching the two of them into a circular argument of talking past each other, about human sacrifices and superstition, which he's just. Not up for. Not right now. ]

And... The way I saw it, it was about magic, too. Like-- like a spell for his, you know, his own unique situation, not about dooming anyone with a dark past. [ Jeff fidgets a little, nervous, because he doesn't know if he can ever really convey the particularities of magic, as he's known it his entire life. ] Where I'm from, um... back home? There aren't any catch-all rituals or... universal applications of magic of any kind. Nobody else can make fire the way I can, or move things, or... [ He's not making sense, he knows it. Jeff frowns to himself. ] All magic's unique, that's what I'm trying to say. So if Skuldude believed that this is what was necessary to actually, really shed that piece of him and move on, and keep others from dying? Then I've got no reason to believe he's wrong.

[ Jeff looks down at his drink. ]

So like, I know I'm not strong, or-- or smart or anything, but I do challenge things. When I want to, and when I think... it's actually worth challenging. In my way, not yours or anyone else's. And I didn't-- and I don't-- think that moment was worth challenging. I don't.

I think it was an act of love and salvation, the same way Bash killing me was.

Edited 2023-01-02 01:21 (UTC)

[Nobunaga was throwing Jeff, Klaus, Crichton, and Vadis away?]

[Why did they think that?]

[He tries to remember the exact words. But he was too emotional. He was telling Valdis to help him or never be near him again.]

[The intent. The words --]

[He was worried about himself being thrown away. If people could throw away Skulduggery, then...]

[Skulduggery whom everyone loves WAY more than Nobunaga, the bitey snarling idiotic Demon King... Who had all the Captain's flaws that no one even Skulduggery could stand sometimes...]

If I was casting you aside, I wouldn't deliver an ultimatum, I'd just do it. I don't think anyone who can stand to let the rules stand when it hurts them, when it means sacrificing their -- other people they care about, should be near me, because it's going to get them hurt so much worse than that time. I did think K- Chr-- You Americans would understand that better. I'm not sure the cultural miscommunication still.

[Skuldude is the cutest name for him, holy shit. Jeff is cute.]

[Ahhhh.]

[Nobunaga tilts his head head.]

So you think it is about magic, not guilt or pain?

[He can accept that. He doesn't like it, but Jeff is the only person -- no well, Chase too, but that really doesn't/shouldn't count!! -- to get through to Nobunaga about magic. Bash tried once, and Nobunaga couldn't stand it!]

The fuck you're not strong! [Nobuanga only BARELY has enough self control not to kick flick the table given that could actually hurt Jeff, and not in an easily recoverable way to prove that Jeff was plenty strong. So he kicks a couple of chairs halfway across Sand Dollars!]

[He draws his sword. He wonders if he could should try peacebonding it like Erin did hers once, but he still hasn't reached that level of reducing his paranoia and wariness. Even so he points it at Jeff in challenge.]

If you're not strong, then what the hell do you think that says about everyone like me?! [Ah yes. Okay, he gets it. Only Pollux, and Teyrey had told him he underestimated people, and he revealed... no. It's always the opposite. ALWAYS. And Yato knew that Nobunaga didn't consider him weak because... fucking obviously.]

If you're not smart, then why the hell do you know so much more about everything than I do?! You're not even Ieyasu's age! [Slams the katana back in the sheathe, and just glares and growls, still standing, arms crossed furiously.]

Challenge things your way! But in the future don't forget... THAT MEANS ME TOO! Correct me when I'm wrong! I've never given you reason to fear me! [Well, not directly, but he'd gone out of his way to give Jeff, Klaus, and Crichton reasons NOT to fear him. And Valdis... he just assumed didn't fear him, but maybe he was wrong.] So stand against me if your convictions are strong enough! And if they're not, then try to see things my way! If you don't know... Just ask!

[Gives Jeff a curt but fully functional bow of respect!]

[ OH GOD CHAIRS ARE BEING KICKED AND SWORDS ARE BEING DRAWN-- and somehow this isn't terrifying, if only because of who's doing the kicking and sword drawing. Only Nobunaga can make sudden outbursts like this feel like something heartfelt and weirdly sweet.

Still, he does let out a startled yelp when the chairs go flying, clutching his mocha to his chest in case the table's about to get kicked next. Must protect the drink. ]

Okay-- okay! Fuck. You're right. But look, I wasn't... My head wasn't in the right place, you know? I don't think there was any way I could've explained... any of this to you during the trial. I don't even think I could've explained it to myself. It was just... a sort of understanding? [ Subconscious, or something, based on his own knowledge of magic, and his own experiences with... well. Shit from back home. Things became more clear in retrospect, once Bash was alive again and he could spare his energy for something beyond grief. ] But I should've given you more credit. I'm sorry for... for assuming the worst and getting mad at you.

[ He smiles and does his best to bow in return. Is it cool to bow back? Or is that, like, a breach of etiquette, Jeff doesn't know, but he means well. ]

[Good. Smart Jeff, Smart! SEE?!?!!? NOBUNAGA KNOWS YOU ARE SMART!]

[Nobunaga nods instantly!! That was the PROBLEM. Everyone kept yelling at him about communication this, and communication that, but how? It's not like he PLANNED to go gunblade and slice the armor without discussion, and he literally can't do it on his own. And certainly none of them expected the Captain to be an asshole to Yato, or Valdis to go rogue on Nobunaga, or --]

[So on.]

[Nobunaga was about to pick up a chair and set it backwards to sit in it, but then Jeff did the cutest fucking thing Nobunaga has ever seen, and bowed to him.]

[He's gotten a lot of bows his whole life, but this is his favorite. Specifically because Jeff doesn't know it, the culture behind it, is American, but holy fuck that's so cute!]

[On top of the words... Nobunaga's emotional haywire overloads, and he just glomps Jeff in a hug without warning!]

I wanted to take more time of that day to be by your side. [Finally pulls back from the hug and glances down at the floor!] I would have if I could. Everyone was in agony, and I just thought, I better compile everyone's investigations and bring them drinks, and then put the noncombatants in the kitchen. I had to hope that others could help you. And even if they did... you couldn't have known the steps I was taking to try to fix things, or my thinking, or any of it.

[Bow again? Hug??? Ahhhhh -- One-armed hug like he did to surprise Teyrey a few times! OKAY!]

There's never enough of me. I've always figured, as long as I can get back up, then it's fine, mistakes are fine, just keep pushing forward. K-- [NOPE.] I've been told to think about how my actions affect others. I do. I do. Always. It is the entire reason I take the actions I do. But Yato and I think actions speak for themselves. They can't always, especially when someone can misread and stop them. We have to work on building a better foundation for people to understand us, however. That is on us, not you, or anyone else hurt by our instincts.

Yare yare... this is what I meant too. I am still the same person who waged so much war. Just know, you can tell me when you think I'm wrong. And as long as we both come back to life, we'll always be able to fix it, no matter what. I'll always want to.

[Lets go of the one-armed hug but lightly tousles Jeff's hair!! Take that for making him feel things, you! Especially gooey weak things that go against his Demon King image! GRRRR!]

Trust is a hard word for me. I trusted my younger brother: Nobuyuki. But he was sending assassins to attack me at night, even while acting as my closest commander after our father died. After I defeated him, I let him live. I thought, now he knows he cannot defeat me, he'll stop. But we're both alike in this. The only way to stop me or him is to truly make it impossible with death. Or what Valdis did. [If he wasn't so fucked, he'd laugh but... eh.] I say this because... even so, despite my past, I choose to trust you. It is not like American trust: so open and freely given. It is the trust of someone who can number people with it on one hand, and has been deeply hurt by it in the past. [Scrunches through Jeff's hair! Man, what does Jeff use on his hair? He should talk about it with Klaus sometime.] So don't ever let it go to waste.

Do you know anything about drums? I don't know how busy I will be practicing gunblade forms with Yato, but I want to play. I have done all manner of Japanese drums, but they are much simpler. But I wish to... spend time with you practicing on this too.

[ A hug! Jeff's so happy to be attacked with a hug. ]

It's okay, man. Really. Kl-- [ Mmm maybe not ] Um, people were with me. Like Cass, and Max, and SecUnit... They really did their best. [ He beams now, clearly touched by, like. Well. Everything. It really is such a relief to clear things up. ]

Me too. I-- Um. You're really important to me, you know? I never want to lose this friendship. [ You're not getting out of this without one more hug. That's what you get for playing with his hair: MORE HUGS. ] So you're stuck with me. That trust isn't gonna go to waste.

[ Then-- oh he's so excited, his entire face just lights up. ]

Oh! Dude! Ally, my, um-- [ Probably-ex-best friend who he hasn't seen since getting whisked away to Duplicity, who he'll never resolve things with, it's fine! ] My friend from back home, she was a drummer. We used to play together. [ Understatement. ] It's so cool that you-- I'll practice with you any time, man!

[A tight grin, almost a baring of teeth more than smile, but still, Nobunaga is glad he's there for Klaus. Truly.]

Okay okay... [Blushing, just tsun-glancing sideways!]

[And nods about the drummer.] Good. Then you won't be alone. And this way, even when it is for yourself that you practice, you don't get lonely. [He knows Jeff. No moping in the dark alone!] And we can be bandmates. Something impossible in my time. So extra special, don't forget it.

Look, Johnny lives on the same end of the hall as Jeff, so obviously he knows his cabin number. But rather than leaving these conversations to text, he shows up in person, knocks on the door. He's not dressed to the nines right now, his hair isn't slicked back. This is a casual talk, not a Talk.

~~Except for the parts that are going to be a Talk.~~

Whoa. This is the first time he's ever seen Johnny looking so casual. For a moment, Jeff's not sure if he's okay or if there's something wrong or if he's just doing laundry or what.

Then again, it's not like Jeff's all that dressed up, either. So maybe it means nothing at all!

"Hey dude. What's up?"

…maybe he needs to let his hair down more often. His impeccable style and grooming is a mask, a defense mechanism, a way of hiding his flaws. But it’s clearly left an impact.

“I wanted to talk to you about a couple matters, nothing bad. One of them is a more private thing, though, so can I come in?”

"Oh-- yeah, totally!" Jeff steps aside to usher Johnny in. Please don't mind the state of the room, it's kind of...

Cluttered. Not dirty or anything, just messy and disorganized in a similar way to Jeff's own messy, disorganized self. The couch is clear, at least, once Jeff takes his guitar and puts it away to make space for Johnny. (Though there is a furby sitting there, hope you don't mind sharing a seat with it...)

"So, like. What kind of stuff did you wanna talk about?"

He’s not judging the mess. He might be judging the Furby. And by judging, we mean testing how it feels to pat-pat the little fellow.

“Both related to the drag show. The first is that I noticed you were drinking a Shirley Temple that night. I know Klaus has been working on going sober, so I’ve been learning and coming up with mocktails for him. If you want to help me with workshopping them, that’d be nice. I want to make sure people who aren’t drinking can still have something that feels special when I’m at the bar.”

He’s not directly asking if Jeff is working on his alcohol consumption. Just offering the option. That’s nice and subtle, right?

The Furby responds by wiggling its ears and letting out a mechanical laugh. Apparently, it approves of being patted.

"Oh? Yeah, um." He flashes a little smile and nods. He hasn't exactly been working on getting sober, not like Klaus, but there's certainly been thoughts of cutting back, at least. A small effort, if nothing else. "I don't know a lot about mocktails, but I could help." He nods, as if offering himself some reassurance that he is, in fact, qualified to taste test mocktails. "Yeah! That's really cool of you to offer."

“All you need to know is what tastes good. What you like, what you don’t. I can handle the rest, easy. Do you trust me?” A loaded question, but when isn’t it?

"Yeah, man, I trust you."

Said easily and without hesitation. Of course, this is Jeff, so he trusts... just about everyone. In spite of all the shit he's gone through, in Duplicity and back home, it was never really at the hands of any individuals. When it comes to matters of trust, he's led a pretty charmed life.

(Well, except for that time he hung out with Pickles-in-Sharky's body and was pretty much killed for it, but what are the odds of that happening again?)

"Though I'm not always good at knowing what I like and don't like," he adds lightly. Just a little self deprecating joke! Nothing to read into there!

"All the more reason to explore and play with that." He smirks.

"Anyway, the other topic is...Cesar was having fun at the drag show, but he didn't work up the nerve to try makeup. He wants to, but in the privacy of a cabin instead of around a bunch of other people. Do you have any interest in painting him up?"

"Oh! Really?" Jeff blinks, before lighting up with a big, bright smile. It's certainly a surprise, and far from an unwelcome one. He hadn't thought the show would have had any kind of... impact? Is that the word he's looking for?

Honestly, he'd half-expected it to be a total flop, and for people to think he was totally stupid for putting it together in the first place, so to have people turn up and for some to want try stuff out, it's just. Really cool.

"Dude, I'm totally interested! Like-- yeah, whatever he's comfortable with!"

"Excellent--we can coordinate a time and date. I just wanted to see if you were interested." He smirks. "I already told him I think a green or teal eyeshadow would bring our the warmth in his eyes, but you're the expert in this situation. I haven't done beauty makeup since I was a teenager."

COME SAIL AWAY: IC INBOX

[text] Oct 11, dayish

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Text; November 1, 6:05am

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December 31st / Text

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cw: human sacrifice

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