[ Jeff shakes his head. ] You say it's not about him, and I get what you're saying, but we're obviously not gonna agree on that, so I guess... [ He smiles, laughs a little. There's nothing mean in it, it's just... kind of resigned amusement? This is why he fucking hates debates. ] We're not really having the same conversation here, are we?
[ He sighs a little, the smile fading. ]
Which I guess is the problem, huh? Maybe I wasn't really listening to you back there, because... What I heard was you saying if we didn't go along with your plan, then we were weak and you'd cut us out, and that fucking hurt. How d'you think that feels, hearing someone whose friendship you fucking cherish, say something like that?
What I heard was... a friend throwing me away, and I know you're not like that, but that's what it sounded like back there.
[ He's not sure how, exactly, to put what he means into words, not without launching the two of them into a circular argument of talking past each other, about human sacrifices and superstition, which he's just. Not up for. Not right now. ]
And... The way I saw it, it was about magic, too. Like-- like a spell for his, you know, his own unique situation, not about dooming anyone with a dark past. [ Jeff fidgets a little, nervous, because he doesn't know if he can ever really convey the particularities of magic, as he's known it his entire life. ] Where I'm from, um... back home? There aren't any catch-all rituals or... universal applications of magic of any kind. Nobody else can make fire the way I can, or move things, or... [ He's not making sense, he knows it. Jeff frowns to himself. ] All magic's unique, that's what I'm trying to say. So if Skuldude believed that this is what was necessary to actually, really shed that piece of him and move on, and keep others from dying? Then I've got no reason to believe he's wrong.
[ Jeff looks down at his drink. ]
So like, I know I'm not strong, or-- or smart or anything, but I do challenge things. When I want to, and when I think... it's actually worth challenging. In my way, not yours or anyone else's. And I didn't-- and I don't-- think that moment was worth challenging. I don't.
I think it was an act of love and salvation, the same way Bash killing me was.
no subject
[ He sighs a little, the smile fading. ]
Which I guess is the problem, huh? Maybe I wasn't really listening to you back there, because... What I heard was you saying if we didn't go along with your plan, then we were weak and you'd cut us out, and that fucking hurt. How d'you think that feels, hearing someone whose friendship you fucking cherish, say something like that?
What I heard was... a friend throwing me away, and I know you're not like that, but that's what it sounded like back there.
[ He's not sure how, exactly, to put what he means into words, not without launching the two of them into a circular argument of talking past each other, about human sacrifices and superstition, which he's just. Not up for. Not right now. ]
And... The way I saw it, it was about magic, too. Like-- like a spell for his, you know, his own unique situation, not about dooming anyone with a dark past. [ Jeff fidgets a little, nervous, because he doesn't know if he can ever really convey the particularities of magic, as he's known it his entire life. ] Where I'm from, um... back home? There aren't any catch-all rituals or... universal applications of magic of any kind. Nobody else can make fire the way I can, or move things, or... [ He's not making sense, he knows it. Jeff frowns to himself. ] All magic's unique, that's what I'm trying to say. So if Skuldude believed that this is what was necessary to actually, really shed that piece of him and move on, and keep others from dying? Then I've got no reason to believe he's wrong.
[ Jeff looks down at his drink. ]
So like, I know I'm not strong, or-- or smart or anything, but I do challenge things. When I want to, and when I think... it's actually worth challenging. In my way, not yours or anyone else's. And I didn't-- and I don't-- think that moment was worth challenging. I don't.
I think it was an act of love and salvation, the same way Bash killing me was.