APOCALYPSE HOW: IC INBOX

[cacophonish]

"...is this thing on?" un: freakscene voice | video | text | action | everything

Comments

[cacophonish]

[ He sees the text, and guilt rises up like bile, and he has to choke it back.

It's hours before Jeff responds. Like, you know, he was busy, or he just didn't see it, not because he was hiding, wallowing in guilt and self pity... ]

hey
what's up :)
feeling better?

[henchgal]

Yeah I'm fine.

[Autopilot response. The real one comes a moment later.]

It was pretty awful. But I'm back to work, so everything's alright.

[cacophonish]

that's good
i'm glad you're feeling better
it was really scary
everyone was worried

[henchgal]

Jeff.

[Yes, she knows everyone was worried, but she's trying to cut through some of the bullshit.]

[cacophonish]

Mere

[ Like he's just being playful. Like this is a totally normal fucking conversation, and he didn't do what he did to her. ]

[henchgal]

[There are about eighteen, maybe twenty messages she types, and then deletes. It's maybe an hour later she works out an actual reply.]

I think you were the last person who got to see me with my head on straight.

[cacophonish]

i was?
i don't really remember

[henchgal]

You weren't looking too good. You were antsy, or nervous or...something.

Are you okay?

[cacophonish]

it's ok
i'm always antsy and nervous :)
never like being stuck in one place too long

[ "Are you okay?"

He feels sick with guilt and self loathing. She shouldn't be asking him that. Nobody should-- ]

same as ever
don't worry about me
you're the one who had it really bad

[henchgal]

I don't think it really is the same as ever, this time.

[cacophonish]

?

[henchgal]

Did you d

Shit didn't mean to send that. Um.

Okay this is probably shitty to ask, but you didn't do anything to me, rihgt?

[cacophonish]

no

[ He almost capitalizes it, throws in exclamation marks to look more emphatic, but that would ring so phony, wouldn't it? The lady doth protest too much and all that. ]

meredith
you're like family to me

[ Being like "family" to someone like Jeff means nothing. He's pretty sure he would've sold anyone out-- Ally, his brothers, his parents, his friends-- just to quiet the noise in his head, and stop Ziggy from melting his fucking brain. ]

it was just a really fucked up situation
i think everyone was on the verge of losing it after the first couple days

[henchgal]

Yeah, things were pretty weird while we were snowed in.

Sorry.

[cacophonish]

i'm sorry too

i know i haven't been around lately

[henchgal]

Yeah. Why not? You know you're always welcome at our place.

[cacophonish]

[ Good question. And since he can't say the main reason for his avoidance-- not without admitting what he'd done and the guilt he feels-- he spins his answer off his secondary reason. ]

it's just better if i stay away from the adi

[henchgal]

You can't say that and then tell me not to worry.

[cacophonish]

i just don't trust them
i don't feel safe

don't you ever wonder if we'd all be a lot better off if we stayed far away from them

[henchgal]

I do, but remember my tolerance for working with evil is really fucking low because it has to be.

[cacophonish]

yeah...
i get it

[ He should say something else. Elaborate. Speculate. Persuade. But he leaves it at that, trying to will any further conversational threads into atrophy. ]

[henchgal]

Are you staying in touch with Tim? Or do I need to check in on him for you?

[cacophonish]

can you check up on him?

[ Don't send anything else. Leave it on that note, end the conversation. The more he responds, the more the guilt spills up into the back of his mouth, and his stupid, weak, sentimental heart is weeping and-- ]

you guys need to stay away from me
just write me off
it's ok

[henchgal]

You know that's not going to happen, right?

[cacophonish]

please