cacophonish | DUPLICITY: INBOX

i really intended to get you some avocados
but now it's like a frozen fucking tundra outside i don't think i could survive long enough to get to a grocery store

can we rain check until it is warm
or you can bum around here and we can request avocados every few hours

( is Daniel worried about a random california boy freezing to death in the down? idk. no. whatever. shut up. )

dude it's like hell has LITERALLY frozen over!!

[ HE IS 100% GOING TO FREEZE TO DEATH IF HE STEPS OUTSIDE, THIS IS NOT A DRAMATIC EXAGGERATION. Jeff just wasn't built for this kind of weather. ]

even avocados aren't worth the risk
thanks for trying tho

[ And-- hang on ]

wait
we can order avocados with room service? you can DO that??

( you and him both buddy this louisiana boy went straight to california after he escaped the nest and no joke Daniel will freeze solid like Han Solo in carbonite if he stays outside longer than it takes Goldie Hawn to pee. )

in the standard dom housing you can order up practically anything
sometimes they've got dirty looks when they show up with it
but avocados for sure are on the menu

you're not in the down still are you?

[ Really, if you think about it, this snow is even more inhumane than anything else Duplicity has thrown at them. Won't someone consider the Southern (Californian) boys? ]

nah i moved to the up a couple days before the weather really turned to shit
talk about good timing huh

so like
if i were to come to your place to abuse room service until they bring us avocado toast and guacamole it wouldn't me long to get there

seriously, have you been down there lately?
i think i still have frost in my beard from it and it was at least two days ago

( he's not being dramatic. Daniel has never in his life ever been dramatic! so thanks for asking. )

absolutely
you could slowly make your way through any avocado dish you can think of on the hour
and they'll just bring it up
bonus: they'd even hate me for it not you
they might spit in my sandwich tomorrow but on the plus side we'd have avocados today

it'll be like a fucking
an avocado party
holy shit

[ Look, Jeff's a simple creature. And in a city where kink is everywhere, suddenly simple little totally unsexy things like avocados feel like the most novel, glorious treasures. ]

i'm getting my shoes on now
which apartment are you in?

(man i bet "avocado party" is some kind of weird sex move here)

( look, it's the little things. they've got to enjoy it while they can! and if these weirdos wanna get hype about avocados, let them. )

3B
probably. there's a hole
honestly read it as "fucking an avocado party" the first time
which coincidentally has probably aired on the horny food network at 3am and i mostly slept through it

man it's wild... this place actually made porn boring you know?
like i'd kill for something g rated now
some disney movie where you don't see the princess's tits

[ From avocado fucking to Disney porn parodies-- wait wait okay he's getting himself distracted. ]

ok ok coming by now!

[ And Jeff will be there in a few minutes, since he's, like, a short elevator ride away, up on the Ninth Floor. He's also going to be ridiculously bundled up, considering they're indoors, in a fancy building with functional heating, but hey, he's a drama queen, okay!! ]

( it's okay, Jeff, if anyone will understand it is the Louisiana native turned Californian. Daniel is vain as fuck so the extent of his bundling is a sweater. stupidly fancy, probably cashmere, very slim fit and somehow still slouchy. that said he left a pile of dog and blanket to get the door, so, it's not like he's immune to the elements. )

I hope you aren't weird about dogs. ( it's a hell of a welcome, no hi or anything. the only warning Jeff will get about the delighted golden retriever bounding between them. she is just shy of being the size of a normal size, she's almost there, but still more paw and ear than should be reasonably expected. Goldie Hawn bows expectantly, butt quivering in excitement and anticipation of a new friend. don't disappoint her, Jeff! ) You better get in before the first round of avocados showed up. I figured toast was the classic place to start. Right? Please tell me you're an avocado toast guy.

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sorry this took me ages!!!